Catfish Have Started Offering Locals Medicaid and No One Knows Why

First it was the Orcas giving food, now bottomfeeders are offering PPOs

Pleasure Bend, Louisiana — population 250, home of the "Pleasure Bend All-Nature Tours" as seen on Discovery Channel After Hours.

The underwater providers promise that you won’t get catfished on this deal.

Jiminey Tutlidge III went to the pond to catch some blue-cats and walked out fully insured and no one knows why.

Our very tired reporter Kayleigh-Anne Blakely has the full report:

“I woke up before dawn to get down to the fishin’ hole, tryin’ not to wake the missus,” said Tutlidge. “Right before I cast my line, a blue cat poked his whiskery head outta the water like a country Mr. Limpett and issued me full health insurance coverage—with a five dollar koi-pay.”

Another local also chimed in with:

“I lost both legs when a John Deere tractor towing a paper maché float carrying 2025's Miss Pleasure Bend met a roman candle shot off by Carl who skipped meth rehab again" said Earl “Stumpy” Brodie. “I can’t work no more, and all I do is fish. But then one day one of them mudsucker cats spat a Medicaid card at me, and now I got two working legs to fish more!”

Earl “Stumpy” Brodie ain’t got no legs.

Local Tarot Card Reader and Meat Boner, Aunt Peepaw also said “Thaze no such thang as talkin’ blue cats. Trust me—I dated several. They all the same. Woo you with their whiskers, drink all your whiskey, eat all your food, and leave you before you can say ‘Spank me, Daddy.’”

Signs like these have been shoved all in Pleasure Bend’s watering holes

Mayor Humboldt is rumored to have held a secret meeting with his remaining constituents at the only cafe in Pleasure Bend over on Canal-side Lanes St. He’s reportedly planning to leverage the town’s new aquatic providers to boost his approval rating ahead of election season.

Locals were pleasantly surprised to learn that when they went to compete in the Pleasure Bend Tickle-balls Championship, their mud-sucking insurance worked out-of-network—so long as they remained near a body of water such as lakes, ponds, fisheries, or active toilets.

Be aware of frauds and claim jumpers, like herons and most of the GOP.

The underwater insurers have made it surprisingly easy to make a "clam" whether you're a top or bottom feeder. They are now accepting Hatchery Minnow Outfit (HMO), Paddlefish Preferred Outlet (PPO), and Hatch Savvy Anchovy (HSA) plans—as well as those who are Koi-insured.

Sign up today for the best insurance west of the swamp at “Blue Cat, Blue Gills”

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Coming up next, Feral swamp girl raised by frogs is hopping to Hollywood for Disney's new live action legacy reboot of the Jungle Book.