Moo Deng vs My Cat, Sable: which should you buy
Looking to upgrade your phone? This is not that review.
Today we’re diving into the ultimate showdown: should you pick up the new Moo Deng model—a hefty, water-friendly pygmy hippo—or stick with the classic Sable edition, our fat-ass cat who's all about maximum comfort? We here at Thig media are partial to Sable however it’s been noted around 1,522 times by Heather that we need the Moo Deng model.
What's in the Box?
Moo Deng: Comes with a custom-sized mud pit, floating rubber duckies, and a portable treat dispenser. Warranty? 35 to 50 years of hippo adventures. Note: Requires lots of space and snacks. Hippo Care ™️ can be purchased for an additional $30,000.
Sable: Comes with very loud vocal cords and a feeding dish. Warranty? 15 to 20 years of cuddles. Not water-resistant. Noise canceling EarPods are not included but are recommended.
Feature Breakdown for Moo Deng and Sable
Heavy-Duty Exterior (Moo Deng) vs. Plush Comfort Design (Sable)
Moo Deng: Durable, water-resistant exterior optimized for harsh environments and also makes an excellent cannonball. The latest generation of natural shielding ensures protection during waddles and rolls. Equipped with four sturdy legs, designed for land and aquatic adventures. In our tests, Moo Deng excelled in waddling and viral infamy.
Sable: Advanced plush comfort design engineered for maximum coziness. The mostly self-cleaning fur is super soft- some tuffs and mats of fur may clump up around the lower charging port, clippers may be purchased separately (recommended). Though not water-resistant, this comfort Pro-S version should provide warmth and snuggle capabilities beyond anything else on the market.
Winner: Tie (Moo Deng for rugged durability; Sable for unmatched indoor comfort).
Intelligent Interaction Modes
Moo Deng: The first pygmy hippo designed for Hippopotamidae Intelligence™—a natural, adaptive system that responds to treats, mud, and water. Just say “Hey Moo, set a timer for 10 minutes” and he will then fart intermittently.
Sable: Sable is equipped with FelIntelligence™ which includes dual Sleep and Eat modes, running concurrently for peak laziness. Her Howl-for-Treats feature demands a prompt response. When saying “Ok Sable! Set a timer for 10 minutes” she just looks at you and says “I’m hungry.” Alarm is permanently set for 6:30am and 5:00pm, does not adjust for daylight savings time.
Winner: Sable (Her demanding interface brings a high reward for patient users).
Battery Life & Performance
Moo Deng: Optimized for multi-core efficiency, Moo Deng excels in high performance endurance tasks. With an all-day battery life equivalent, he’s designed for long stretches of swimming, rolling, lounging and farting—all while staying cool to the touch.
Sable: Sable operates on the revolutionary Low-Energy™ mode, maximizing naps and snacks. She can perform at maximum levels for up to five whole minutes before giving out (like my wife).
Winner: Moo Deng (Steady, reliable endurance beats Sable’s lethargic inefficiency).
Natural Audio & Visual Capabilities
Moo Deng: Moo Deng comes with an advanced waddling action and soothing audio output (farting)—his quiet grunts are the perfect background noise for relaxation. Built for natural environments, his glossy finish is ideal for visual appeal, reflecting the serene surroundings of his habitat.
Sable: Sable’s sound profile includes her unique purring engine—offering a variety of settings from 'Gentle Rumble' to 'Intense Howl.' Visually, Sable’s round, fluffy design paired with her ‘Disdainful Gaze™’ guarantees a classic, effortlessly photogenic experience.
This is an actual video of our cat, Sable, snoring last week when I was writing this article. I’m not even making this up, she snores this loud.
Winner: Tie (Moo Deng for natural ruggedness; Sable for ultimate cuteness).
Adaptive Comfort Features
Moo Deng: With a rugged body and mud-rolling capabilities, Moo Deng comes equipped with nature's insulation. His adaptive comfort is geared towards both aquatic relaxation and land lounging, offering versatility like no other.
Sable: Sable features ‘Snuggle Mode,’ ensuring top-tier adaptive comfort that adjusts to her environment, usually in the form of warm laps or cozy corners. She automatically optimizes her positioning for the maximum snuggle factor—no user input required. She does this on her own, automagically. Snoring mode included.
Winner: Sable (Her adaptive comfort is unmatched for anyone seeking warmth and coziness).
Conclusion
So, what’s the verdict? Choosing a Moo Deng means opting for a rugged, outdoor-ready companion—durable, low-maintenance, and perfect if you want a unique yet straightforward companion. He's built to last and optimized for adventure, though he requires plenty of space and snacks. Also, it’s illegal to own a hippo.
Choosing a Sable, on the other hand, is all about warmth and comfort. She's demanding, but the rewarding cuddles and quirky moments make every day special. Choosing Sable also means supporting older rescue animals, which brings its own special joy.
Pygmy hippos like Moo Deng are endangered, and conservation efforts are crucial. Supporting organizations like the WWF (that’s not “wrasslin” for the idiots in the back) or African Wildlife Foundation can help protect these portly critters and their habitats. You can also symbolically adopt a pygmy hippo or share information to raise awareness about their plight.
Whatever your choice, choosing a Moo Deng or a Sable means getting a unique set of features and charm—perfectly suited to fit into your life, whether you're seeking adventure or cozy comfort. It’s also a lifetime commitment. In some cases, they may live longer than you or your kids. Choose wisely.
Citations
Pygmy Hippos Are Endangered: This is a well-documented fact. Pygmy hippos (Choeropsis liberiensis) are classified as endangered by the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN). For more information, you can check: iucnredlist.org
Hippos Require Significant Space and Care: Hippos, including pygmy hippos, are large, semi-aquatic mammals that need spacious environments for their well-being. For more detailed care recommendations, consult resources such as the World Wildlife Fund (WWF): worldwildlife.org/species/pygmy-hippo
Legal Restrictions on Hippo Ownership: In most countries, it is illegal to own a hippo as a pet due to their size, aggression, and endangered status. Laws vary depending on the location, but most jurisdictions ban hippo ownership outright. Relevant information can be found at sites like animalwelfareinstitute.org.
Supporting Older Rescue Animals: Adoption and support of older rescue animals contribute positively to animal welfare and reduce the strain on shelters. Information on adopting rescue animals is available at the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA): aspca.org
Conservation Efforts for Pygmy Hippos: Organizations like the African Wildlife Foundation (AWF) actively work on the conservation of pygmy hippos by implementing protective measures for their habitats and raising awareness. You can find more information at: africanwildlife.org/species/pygmy-hippo
World Wildlife Fund (WWF) Symbolic Adoptions: WWF offers symbolic adoptions as a way to support conservation efforts for endangered species, including pygmy hippos. Details are available at: worldwildlife.org/adopt
Sold! I'll pick up your Sable this afternoon.
Did you do the drop test 9 times, tho'?
And I chortled every time you called Sarah McLachlan. (Nothing against angel arms.)